Time For me to Fly

REO Speedwagon was way before my time but I was recently shown this song and I fell in love. Part of growing up and moving to Ohio has required me to say goodbye to some of my great friends, some because they were guys and they got married others because they weren't willing to put in the time to maintain a relationship. On days that I miss who I was "back in the old days" I turn on this song and feel empowered to continue on with a "new" life. (And yes I am aware that this song is about letting go of a loved one, but music is meant to be interpreted and this is how I choose to interpret it, so there)

Oh The Places You'll Go

I took the liberty of re-reading some earlier posts. Some might say I am obsessed with reminiscing about what happened last year, or two years ago, or even 6 years ago. I am fascinated with how fast life  changes. This was a concept that I never understood in high school, but now it seems like life is flashing past at lightening speed. It seems like just yesterday I was entering college and making up crazy dances with my dearest roommates, then I was a young 20 year old preparing to travel to the foreign and "dangerous" land of Kunming, China to "find myself." All of a sudden I found myself repelling down canyons and surviving in the desert during Spring Summit. I quickly scurried off to Changzhou, China for a second go around in the communist country. I blinked and all of a sudden I graduated from college, moved to Hawai'i, moved to Utah, got 99% of my belongings stolen, moved across the country to the foreign land of Ohio, started a career, felt completely inadequate at my career, was called as the relief society president, received word that my car was recovered, became more comfortable at my job, picked up what was left of my belongings, was released as relief society president.

Despite the ups and downs and the mountains that I have had to climb while moving to Cleveland, I am amazed at the blessings that have come to me as I continue to follow the path the Lord has for my life. On February 22, 2012 I will celebrate my 5 year anniversary of taking that first twist in the path and getting on that plane to Kunming, China. I will also celebrate the 1 year anniversary of moving to Cleveland, Ohio. I'm not kidding when I say that A LOT has happened in the past year and I feel like a completely different person. Dr. Suess best sums up this concept in his book "Oh the Places You'll Go." I recently read it and it is amazing how wise that Dr. Suess was. This is defenitely a book that should be on the shelf of every high school graduate. I know it is going to make this post really long but I am going to put down the words because everyone can relate to this poem, no matter what experiences we have been through, or where each of us is on our journey of life. 

 

Congratulations!
Today is your day,
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains, and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too.

OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sites!
You'll join the high fliers!
who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don't.
Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to says so
but, sadly, it's true
that Bang-ups
and Hang-ups
can happen to you

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lunch
wuth an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're dark.
A place that could sprain both elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you should go in,should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quaters? Or maybe not quite?
Or go around and back and sneak from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long and wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most usless place

The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where boom bands are playing.

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. There are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You'll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don't.
Because, sometimes, they won't.

I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not.
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, theres a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go
though the whether be foul.
On you will go
though your enemies prowl.
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl.
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though you arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike.
And I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many stray birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with you left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent garanteed!)

KID YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Alenn O'Shea
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So... get on your way!

Tis the Season of Gratitude

Anybody who knows me, knows that I absolutely LOVE this time of year.  Starting December 27th, I count down the days until the holiday season will return. This past year has been particularly rough for a myriad of reasons, these past couple months have been particularly rough usually ending with many tears at the end of each day. The curse of ingratitude was etched in my heart until Sunday when a wonderful speaker at church reminded me that I have much to be grateful for. It has been 2 years since I lived in China with 10 wonderful ladies and many wonderful experiences that have changed my life. I will forever cherish that time of my life and the experiences that have forever molded who I have become. One of my all-time favorite memories from China was during Thanksgiving, for a number of reasons I will not go into right now. I stumbled upon several lists that I made during the holiday season while living in Changzhou,  the one that stood out was my "thankful" list. It is amazing how many simple things I take for granted each day just by living here in the United States.

Reflecting on the path my life has taken the in the past years it is amazing how easy it is to get caught up in the busyness of my life to forget about all the tender mercies both big and small that have been present in my life. This is especially true for the past 9 months. I have had some pretty miraculous events happen in my life and instead of celebrating those miracles I have been focused on what I am lacking.
It is easy for me to say "Cleveland sucks" instead I will be grateful for the warm bed that I have to sleep in, the roof over my head, a toilet that flushes, heat that works, the job that provides income and the food that I have to eat every meal. There are strangers and friends who are willing to die for my freedoms so that I can live a life full of religious, political, and personal freedoms.
It is easy for me to shed tears from feelings of lonliness instead I will be grateful for the wonderful people that I have had and continue to have in my life. I have been blessed with a wonderful family and many wonderful friends along my journey of life whom I love so dearly) Whether the person was a 7 month old pre-mature infant on a venteliator or a 94 year old lady with Alzheimer, every person I have met has taught me so many wonderful lessons about living life and enjoying each moment. 
It is easy for me to say that "this ward is full of the most unwelcoming, unloving people"  instead I will be grateful for the simple acts of service that I see that testify of the love our Heavenly Father has for each of his children. I will be thankful for the speakers and teachers that continue to increase my spritual knowlege and allow me ot feel the love of that my Hevenly Father has for me. I will be grateful for the men who hold the priesthood who have helped me in my times of need, whether it is moving a big desk up the stairs or coming over after I sliced through my finger.
It is easy for me to complain that I have gained an immense amount of weight since graduating college, when instead I will be grateful for the many things my body has allowed me to do, for the opportunities my body has given me to climb mountains, shimmy down canyons, and repel down waterfalls. I will be grateful for the knowledge that I have gained to take care of my body both physically and spirtually.
It is easy for me to get frustrated that I am not the same "Spring Summit or China Tiffanee." Instead I will be grateful for who I am. I will be grateful for those experiences that have shaped me into the person today and I will be grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ that allows me to change to become better.
It is easy for me to get angry for not dating and still being single, instead I will be grateful for the lessons the Lord has taught me on patience and becoming a better person. I will be grateful that one day when I do get married that I have had this time to become a better disciple of Jesus Christ and a better wife and mother.
I can get upset that my belongings were stolen and my journals and various other items were not recovered. Instead I will be grateful for the opportunity the Lord gave me to grow during my own personal Liberty Jail experience. I will be grateful that I got even a portion of my stuff back, and I will be grateful for the understanding that I have that material possessions do not make my self-worth. Most of all I will be grateful for all the Lord sees fit to give me and will give of my time, talents, and substance to those who are in need.
In getting caught up in my own self pity I can forget that I have wonderful gifts to help others. I will be grateful for my gift of music that helps to calm contention and anger and bring the spirit into consciousness. I am grateful for my ability to sew. I am grateful for my ability to be crafty.
I can be angry and bitter at the Lord for bringing me to Ohio. Instead I will be grateful and remember all the tender mercies that brought me to where I am today. I am grateful for the bites and scratches and strep throat that encouraged me to look for another job. I am grateful for the tender mercies that occured during the application and interview process. Between having my car stolen and almost missing my flight Satan tried hard to discourage me from coming. Although the road has been tough I am grateful for the opportunity I have had to learn and grow in Cleveland, Ohio.
I LOVE THANKSGIVING!!! What a wonderful time of year to reflect on all the bounties blessings the Lord has given us and then 4 weeks later to celebrate the birth of the Savior. I don't think words can describe how much I LOVE this season! I know that I have shared this video before but it is just such a wonderful testimony of gratitude and thanking the Lord for all we have. I wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving. Thank you for the love and support you have given me through the years, and continue to give me. I love you all!

Lessons Learned from Spring Summit

In every life there is a pivotal moment that forever changes the rest of that persons life. For me that moment was Spring Summit. I have had many moments since that time, but that particular event was the grain of rice that tipped the scale.

For those of you who are wondering what exactly happened during that pivotal moment, Spring Summit is a 35 day outdoor expedition trip that is sponsored by the Recreation Management program at BYU-Idaho. Students from all majors are encouraged to apply and 13 lucky humans are selected through prayerful consideration by two wonderful teachers, to travel down to Southern Utah to take part in this life changing event. The schedule included a 10 day pre-trip preparation course which included a weekend up at badger creek to participate in team building initiatives, a 9 hour trip down to Southern Utah, and finally 35 days of desert survival, canyoneering, backpacking, solo, mountain biking, rafting, mountaineering,  hiking, and many hours in the van and truck. As if spending 35 days together does not already predispose the participants to become physically and emotionally close, add to that the element of extreme danger, and similar goals and you have a recipe for bonding and life changing relationships. Throughout this time I learned several lessons that I should never forget. As Oliver Wendell Holmes counsels, "A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions." I will admit that due to lack of attention and insight I have seemed to have forgotten many of these lessons in the past 12 months. I am grateful for wonderful friends who are still in my life to remind me that I am still capable of being the person that I was on Spring Summit, I still have these lessons buried deep in my heart, and while it will take some time, the people here in Ohio will one day be able to see me like those members of Spring Summit saw me,  as a daughter of my Heavenly Father capable of far more than I give myself credit for. While on this journey of self discovery I learned:

I learned that "twenty years from now I will be more disappointed by the things that I didn't do than by the ones I did do." (Mark Twain)

I learned that Heavenly Father and nature are often simultaneous 

I learned to laugh at less than ideal situations

I learned to be proud of little accomplishments

I learned that I have more potential than I give myself credit

I learned that there are people that care about me

I learned that "self discovery is the end product of a great challenge mastered, when the mind commands the body to do the seemingly impossible, when courage and strength are summoned to extraordinary limits for the sake of something outside the self." (Kurt Haun)

I learned how to make a true campfire

I learned to give complimants no matter how silly or stupid I feel giving them

I learned the power of love

I learned that there is something about campfires that brings out all of my embarrassing stories

I learned that while electronics and technology have their purpose they really just get in the way of humans communicating heart to heart.

I learned how strong the will power is to live

I learned not to be so hard on myself

I learned that cheering for others accomplishments is much more fulfilling than cheering for your own.

I learned that beauty is relative

I learned that life does not have to be competition

I learned that when you see one grainery you have seen them all

I learned to build others self esteem through compliments, instead of tearing them down with criticism. 

I learned how to be comfortable and proud of who I am

I learned to be grateful for the little joys of life... even if that means taking a cold shower once a week for 35 days and peeing in the river.

I learned that it did not matter where I come from, what I looked like, or how much money I made, we were all on the same journey with the same goal, all that mattered was that we finished.

I learned that sunshine, exercise, and good friends can remedy almost any physical or emotional ailment.

I learned that it quitting is not an acceptable option

I learned to not care what people think about me (case and point)

I learned that there is only one way to become good at something, and that is to try something you may be bad at.

I learned that I am worth something, that I am not insignificant, and that I can influence the lives of others

I learned "not to be frightened by fear. I discovered what a fine piece of machinery the human body is and that it can take a tremendous amount of stress before it breaks down. I learned to make decisions... My confidence grew and I discovered human resources which are ready to be called upon in time of future crisis. I learned something about human frailties... I learned how to make a team out of a group of individuals. Adventurous experiences out-of-doors are perceived to kindle the enthusiasm of the young, to develop their concern for others, for their community and for the environment. Such experiences provide the means of self-discovery, self-expression, and enjoyment which are at once both stimulating and fulfilling. It thus emerges that, for young people and adults alike outdoor adventure is perceived as a vehicle for building values and ideals, for developing creativity and enterprise, for enhancing a sense of citizenship, and for widening physical and spiritual horizons." (Lord hunt of Llanfair Waterdine)

A Teacher Named Life

Life has taught me...

To expect the unexpected...

To learn something from every person I have met...

To live in the moment and love every second of it...

Picture from http://www.jumpovertherainbow.com/2011/06/i-dont-have-time-for-stress-i-have-life.html

That no good comes from competing, comparing, and criticizing...

That there are times in when you need your friends to give you a good slap in the face to remind you of who you truley are, Albert Schweitzer once said,  "At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us."


That I am not cut out for pulling all nighters, no matter how many times I try...

To give everyone the benefit of the doubt.... 

To laugh when things get tough. Laughter truly is the best medicine.... 

Picture from http://affirmationsmanifest.com/laughter-affirmations-affirmations-for-laughter/

To be thankful for all the decisions that have helped me become me...


That working out sucks, but it feels so good when you are done...


That under stressful situations I will cry....

That nobody cares how stupid you think you look, they are more concerned with how stupid they think they look... 


That mascara, a set of earrings, and a pair of heels are a girls best friend...


That more can be accomplished when we cheer for each others contributions to society rather than criticize others efforts. 


That boys are from mars but no matter how much you try to do without them, life is more easier when you keep them around...

Picture from http://www.visualphotos.com/image/2x2570231/young_couple_hanging_up_painting_man_standing_on

That "whether we walk among our people or alone among the hills, happiness in life's walking depends on how we feel about others in our hearts. We travel only as far and as high as our hearts will take us." -- from The Seven Paths of the ANASAZI Way


To recognize and be grateful for all of the tender mercies that occur and continue to occur daily in my life...  


That you don't need fame, fortune, a size 0 dress or a perfect family to truly succeed. We can learn a great lesson from the great Ralph Waldo Emerson when he said, "To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success." 

Picture from http://theindustrycosign.wordpress.com/2011/08/22/why-white-people-adopt-black-children/

What a Life

To off-set the negative tone my blog (and life) has seemed to have taken the past couple months I have decided to make a list (shocking I know) of all the wonderful blessings that I have.  Because despite all my disappointments and challenges the past year I do have a wonderful, amazing life, I have just been to caught up in my "poor, pathetic life" to remember that sometimes. I am grateful for Tim, my "adopted dad" who loves me enough to remind me how lucky I am to have the life that I have, despite all the crap that occasionally poops on me all at once. So even though it is not Thanksgiving here is a list of why I love my life.
1. I live in America where there are strangers (and some friends) who are willing to fight for my freedoms.

2. I have had the opportunity to live and teach English in Kunming China, and Changzhou China. LIVE, not just travel to, stopped in on a layover, or seen on a map, I had a legit address where I could send and receive mail. 

3. I have family and friends all over the country that love me. This is an easy one to forget, especially on days like today when I am alone, but it is true. I have roommates from freshman year who still call to see how I am doing. I have people from Spring Summit who know me better than anyone and continue to laugh at my silly stories. I have friends from China who send my texts to let me know they are thinking about me. I have a best friend who picks up my stolen car even thought it takes 3 hours and who calls to tell me how excited she is to see me again. I have "adopted" families who count me as one of their "daughters" and will drive 4 hours to see me graduate from college. I have a mom and grandma who will drop everything they are doing to help me and will make me anything I want when I come home to visit. I couldn't imagine my life without these wonderful people in my life.

4. I have graduated from college and become a certified therapeutic recreation specialist, I have a wonderful career in that field straight out of college. I get to work with precious babies and toddlers  everyday and help enrich their lives.

5. I have had the opportunity to live on the beach in Hawaii (seriously the beach was my backyard). I regret ever taking it for granted, it could have been one of the best experiences of my life. Regardless I am still grateful for the chance I had to do something that I have always wanted to do (despite the fact that I gained 15 pounds while I was there). Hopefully one day my path will lead me back to Hawaii.

 

 

 

Sunrise from my backyard

6. I had the opportunity to participate in a 35 day expedition to Southern Utah with 15 of the greatest people I have ever met. During this trip I learned that I am physically, emotionally, and spiritually capable of doing anything that I desire, I am actually worth something, and finally that our Heavenly Father created this beautiful earth for us to enjoy. As cheesy as this sounds I learned to laugh, live, and love, for which I am eternally grateful. This trip is the single event that changed my life.

The Road Less Traveled

A year ago this month I was graduating from college,

A year ago this month I always had somebody to eat Sunday dinner with,
A year ago this month I was making silly music videos to Hercules songs (go here),
A year ago this month my time was filled with  bon fires, game nights, hiking, boating, canyoneering,  white water rafting, roommate bonding, movie nights, and occasionally some homework,

A year ago this month I lived with 5 amazing girls who I knew would do anything for me,
A year ago this month I was running 5 days a week,
A year ago this month I knew I had at least 10 people I could go to if I ever needed help,
A year ago this month I lived in one of the most beautiful places on earth,

A year ago this month I was ready to move on and live my life,
This month I would give anything to be where I was a year ago.

Cleveland has not been an easy move. As a dear friend told me this week, "Everything always poops on you all at once..." She is in fact right after all in the past 4 months 2 weeks and 5 days I have....

~had my car with 99% of my belongings stolen the day before I moved across the country

~ moved across the country anyways and started a new job

~received word that my car was found with "all my belongings"

~found out that not all of my belongings were in my car

~had to wait (and continue to wait) to get my belongings back

~had my computer crash resulting in losing a good chunk of my pictures, documents, and music

~continued to have a ridiculously hard time making new friends  

~had migraines almost every day for the first 3 months I lived here

~had a very painful and unpleasant wisdom teeth extraction

and finally

~an infection in my L cornea

Lucky for me I have a knowledge of the gospel and the Savior's atonement which makes all of these disappointments and trials bearable. As I have journeyed through life I have taken many different paths, most of which I have wanted to take and some of which the Lord has given me the opportunity to take (such as Cleveland). There is always something to learn from each experience, I need to find out what he wants me to learn here.